Within the past couple days I’ve had a chance to witness several (unsuccessful) attempts to take me home or get my number. Not that I’m that stingy with my number. It just doesn’t go out to random strangers I’ve just met. That said, some of those attempts were totally legit, despite the fact that the attempters walked away with no new digits in their devices. Others, on the other hand, provided some wonderful material for a new post! Surprisingly, the amount of cuteness the attempters possessed did not directly correlate with the amount of suave. One hot face who had potential to work the room in any way he wanted managed to kill his cool in under 30 seconds! If you’re tired of girls throwing themselves at you and need advice on how to appear like a total idiot, read on!
1. To prepare for the ultimate kill, previously to talking to the girl turn a normally/potentially unobtrusive dance (like a Salsa) into a grinding fest.
2. Come up to the girl, look her up and down while biting half your lip, and tell her how fine/hot/sexy she is, embellishing it with ample cussing.
3. Say it as dramatically as you can. Use all of your theatrical experience learned to date!
4. After you notice a disgusted look on the girls face, keep talking! Mumble your words (either because you’re too drunk or because you’re too lazy to learn English) so she can’t understand half the things you’re saying.
5. Don’t leave her alone even after she’s physically tried to position herself away from you.
6. When the girl responds to your invitation/phone number request with a solid “No,” attempt to change her mind.
7. Tell her that you are a great guy. As if she can’t tell by now on her own.
8. If that fails, tell her that she will be sorry and might miss out.
9. If she says that she has a boyfriend, claim that she is lying. Clearly you are the only man on earth who finds her attractive.
10. If, in an attempt to get you away, her friend tells you that she’s married (gracias amigo ;), use the opportunity to prove to the world that you’re an ultimate creep: look into her eyes deeply, unnaturally and aggressively and dramatically tell her in front of everyone that they’re the most gorgeous eyes you’ve ever seen. Bite your lip, look her up and down once again and show the biggest look of sorrow on your face that you can manage.
11. Walk away not realizing that you’ve just made a complete fool of yourself.
12. Repeat as needed.
Showing posts with label Practical Tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Practical Tips. Show all posts
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Things to Do Before You Dance
If you are an absolute beginner, or a completely clueless intermediate who can't put two-and-two together, read this, to make your dancing experience... more balanced. It didn't take that long for me to figure all this out, but some trial and error that you can eliminate, was still required. To have a good Salsa night you need a good combination of five factors: Food, Water, Rest, Clothes and Music.
Food
As basic as this is, the wrong state of hunger can ruin the best night. You gotta eat before you go dancing! Make sure you have a nice dinner about 3 hours prior to going out, and snack on something right before. (And not the other way around!) This was tricky for me, because I've had nights when I just wasn't aware of how hungry I was until stepping on the dance floor and feeling faint from disorientation. (And as of yesterday, still do apparently..) Want a good dance night? Remember to eat. But make sure you don't overstuff yourself. For various reasons that I'm not going to go into detail about here, you just shouldn't do that. One of them is feeling like you're carrying a "food baby." You want to feel light and graceful on the dance floor, right? Not gonna happen after a hefty dinner out. So don't do it.
Water
There's always a place to get free water around the dancefloor. You just gotta find it. But DO find it. Without it you're gonna suffer.
Rest
Don't even think about tryin to dance half-awake. You're just not gonna be on top of your game, which will spoil your night and dancing experience, and you don't want that, right? Don't hope for leads to have a nice, relaxing, dance with either. Most likely instead you will get the "keep her on her toes" kind that will spin, twist, and otherwise lead you in an utterly un-relaxing way.
Clothes
Let's see... I'm a girl, so this is for girls. The best thing to wear is something sleeveless. And I do feel bad for guys, cuz ultimately that would be the best thing for them too. Except there's nothing sleeveless they can wear that won't make them look stupid. Luckily, that's not the case for the ladies! MUAHHAHAHAHA. (jk) So we've determined that what you're wearing is sleeveless. But make sure it's not strapless. Make sure EVERYTHING you're wearing is not strapless. Because strapless things tend to... betray its owners once in a while. Trust me, no matter how sure you are that it's staying on at home, the risk is just not worth it. I have seen it all, and unfortunately I HAVE had a small incident myself as well. But I don't want to mention it.
Unless your underwear is the best thing that has ever happened to everyone (I highly doubt it), please also spin-proof what you're wearing on the bottom. Some longer dresses and skirts actually spin out all the way, showing the world way more than it wants to see. Shorter ones are actually ideal -- as long as they stay on. And i'd wear dance shorts underneath to incident-proof your experience. Short stuff is dangerous when you get dipped, especially in the beginning before you know how to get dipped the right way.
After making sure that your dignity is covered, it's pretty much up to you. Some places just ask for dressing up. In Seattle, that's Teatro Zinzanni and Saturday night Century dances. Practicas are definitely usually more laid back. The rest of the places you can show up however you'd like. You won't feel out of place either way. Make sure what you're wearing is comfortable though. You don't want to even think about the tag irritaing your skin or the material being scratchy when you're dancing.
Music
Figure out what you like and what you dont. Don't go to places with the music you don't like. You're guaranteed to have a horrible time. I'm not gonna say what's good music and what's bad music, just because I know that there are SO many different opinions on that out there! Some people like live. Some people hate it. Some people like specific DJ's. Some can't stand them. Pay attention and remember. Century Ballroom actually lists the DJ's on it's calendar. http://www.centuryballroom.com/ Look before you go and prevent yourself from wasting money and time on a night that's not gonna go well because of what's playing.
This is all basic stuff, but if you're aware of it, it can make your experience a million times better, and practically guarantee you a good night! (This, and actually being able to dance well. But follows have it easy. Just having a good smile will due in most cases. And least for a little while.)
Food
As basic as this is, the wrong state of hunger can ruin the best night. You gotta eat before you go dancing! Make sure you have a nice dinner about 3 hours prior to going out, and snack on something right before. (And not the other way around!) This was tricky for me, because I've had nights when I just wasn't aware of how hungry I was until stepping on the dance floor and feeling faint from disorientation. (And as of yesterday, still do apparently..) Want a good dance night? Remember to eat. But make sure you don't overstuff yourself. For various reasons that I'm not going to go into detail about here, you just shouldn't do that. One of them is feeling like you're carrying a "food baby." You want to feel light and graceful on the dance floor, right? Not gonna happen after a hefty dinner out. So don't do it.
Water
There's always a place to get free water around the dancefloor. You just gotta find it. But DO find it. Without it you're gonna suffer.
Rest
Don't even think about tryin to dance half-awake. You're just not gonna be on top of your game, which will spoil your night and dancing experience, and you don't want that, right? Don't hope for leads to have a nice, relaxing, dance with either. Most likely instead you will get the "keep her on her toes" kind that will spin, twist, and otherwise lead you in an utterly un-relaxing way.
Clothes
Let's see... I'm a girl, so this is for girls. The best thing to wear is something sleeveless. And I do feel bad for guys, cuz ultimately that would be the best thing for them too. Except there's nothing sleeveless they can wear that won't make them look stupid. Luckily, that's not the case for the ladies! MUAHHAHAHAHA. (jk) So we've determined that what you're wearing is sleeveless. But make sure it's not strapless. Make sure EVERYTHING you're wearing is not strapless. Because strapless things tend to... betray its owners once in a while. Trust me, no matter how sure you are that it's staying on at home, the risk is just not worth it. I have seen it all, and unfortunately I HAVE had a small incident myself as well. But I don't want to mention it.
Unless your underwear is the best thing that has ever happened to everyone (I highly doubt it), please also spin-proof what you're wearing on the bottom. Some longer dresses and skirts actually spin out all the way, showing the world way more than it wants to see. Shorter ones are actually ideal -- as long as they stay on. And i'd wear dance shorts underneath to incident-proof your experience. Short stuff is dangerous when you get dipped, especially in the beginning before you know how to get dipped the right way.
After making sure that your dignity is covered, it's pretty much up to you. Some places just ask for dressing up. In Seattle, that's Teatro Zinzanni and Saturday night Century dances. Practicas are definitely usually more laid back. The rest of the places you can show up however you'd like. You won't feel out of place either way. Make sure what you're wearing is comfortable though. You don't want to even think about the tag irritaing your skin or the material being scratchy when you're dancing.
Music
Figure out what you like and what you dont. Don't go to places with the music you don't like. You're guaranteed to have a horrible time. I'm not gonna say what's good music and what's bad music, just because I know that there are SO many different opinions on that out there! Some people like live. Some people hate it. Some people like specific DJ's. Some can't stand them. Pay attention and remember. Century Ballroom actually lists the DJ's on it's calendar. http://www.centuryballroom.com/ Look before you go and prevent yourself from wasting money and time on a night that's not gonna go well because of what's playing.
This is all basic stuff, but if you're aware of it, it can make your experience a million times better, and practically guarantee you a good night! (This, and actually being able to dance well. But follows have it easy. Just having a good smile will due in most cases. And least for a little while.)
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